Kurt Cobain sang, “I wish I was like you, easily amused” in the song “All Apologies”. That line always had me thinking about my amusement level vs. others’. In my late teens, Kurt took up half a wall of posters and pictures in my room.

Almost 10 years ago I got hired by the Regional Director of Merrill Lynch. He was California’s head guy at the company. A tall, skinny dude with a charming southern accent, he was extremely high status, internally and externally.

A great first step to making positive changes in our lives is taking an honest look at where we’re at and figuring out what we want to change. Every New Year’s Eve, the ball drops. Are you dropping the ball in your life? Remember, the ball is in your court. 

I love meeting new people, joking around with strangers, and connecting with people I care about. But as social as I am, alone time is still vital.

How are you doing at life? Where are you right now? Kicking some ass? Struggling a bit? Somewhere in between?

Raise your hand if you like people watching. I love people watching. I can’t see you but you’d probably be raising your hand if I were there. Most people I meet like people watching.

Summer camp was amazeballs. Camp Grounded, up in Mendocino, at this summer camp for adults, we were unplugged for four days.

What’s your suffering? Mine are self criticism, health paranoia, and some insomnia/fatigue.

“Most awkward date ever,” my friend told me. On a first date she’d gone to see “Fifty Shades of Grey.” She said they were both really uncomfortable and couldn’t wait for the lights to come up.

I had my birthday earlier this month and while I’ve still got a ways to go, I feel good about where I’m at and where I’m headed. But who knows where that is? It’s cool to look back on my life so far and and see how I’ve grown along the way.

We can choose these communities. The greater our social intelligence skills, the better able we are to consciously surround ourselves with people who help us thrive. How? Because the better your people skills, the more you realize you can approach and create meaningful connections with anyone. That gives you a powerful abundance mindset. 

We can totally change our behaviors and environment. At Jaunty, the school for social intelligence, we teach people how to become more aware of their behaviors, explore new ways of interacting with others and build meaningful connections. We can overcome our fears and social anxieties. We can learn how to approach strangers, build rapport, play with humor, and feel confident in any social situation. We can learn to be more assertive. 

A swarm of anxious people surrounded the woman with the clipboard in the darkened bedroom. She handed out applications and people hunched outside on the stairs, filing them out.

Most people do their best to conform and fit in… like it’s a good thing. But when it comes to being memorable, blending in spells certain death.

“First, I wanted to get rid of this feeling. What happened to my old enthusiasm? But as I read more and re-framed it, I saw it in another light. The best thing about feeling jaded is that you can think long-term. Your emotions can be more even-keeled and you’re not chasing the quick high of a new experience. In other words you won’t get temporarily fooled.”

“A lot of us feel social anxiety around approaching people we don’t know. (“What if they don’t want to talk to me?” “What if I don’t know what to say?”) At Jaunty we give our students homework to go out and practice the social intelligence skills they need to meet new people.”

“This is a big part of Jaunty’s approach to our social intelligence course. Immerse yourself with accountability and accessibility until it becomes second nature, it might even become easy. Try it out.”

“Of course the ultimate goal is not to lose relationships, but sometimes this can’t always be the case. So get out there and pay attention and dig up extra emotional elements in moments you have with people. These are things like added laughter, adrenaline, touch, and love. In case you lose a relationship, as hard as it may be, you really can also hedge it with positives from other relationships. “

“I was having a deep conversation with a new friend in the middle of a Nevada desert and he was telling me his life story, it was a story of success, and adventure and a life most people only dream of. Later on in our conversation he mentioned, very matter of fact like, that he overcame two dark periods of his life of alcohol abuse and a strained family relationship.”

“Approaches are hard, go reward and enjoy them. There is not enough of that in these days. It means someone found you valuable in some way, so celebrate it.”

“As it’s useless to try to change our natural biological or emotional reactions there is something we can manage that will change the way you interact with people and the depth of your social wealth. It’s your care level.”

“How can this person sustainably contribute to a bigger cause if they can’t have a normal office conversation?”